الخطبة بين الشرع والعرف

Abstract

Islam is a religion of morals, dignity, intimacy and love.  Islam has allowed those engaged to get to know one another in a manner that will not lead to disastrous consequences, and that will enable each partner at the same time to find in his/her partner the qualities he/she likes. Meetings should be characterized by good manners, nice language, polite encounters, and chaperoning by parents and relatives. Islam does not dictate that the engaged lady should stay at home and not see her fiancée except on the wedding night. Islam, on the other hand, does not say that illegal practices should be committed during the period of engagement.  Islam has always adopted the middle, golden way.  The engagement period, therefore, aims at allowing both future partners to get to know one another in order to build their marriage decision on conviction, and not to rush into something that they will regret later. These days, however, many practices which the engaged partners may consider to be legitimate can be legally forbidden, and may bring about destruction and financial and  religious harm to both parties involved if they decide to break their engagement before marriage takes place. The man may take advantage of the woman by not giving her full dowry in case they have had intercourse before marriage. The woman might also sin if she does not abide by the legally prescribed period of waiting during which , if she had engaged in an illegal action during engagement period. This way she will lose her dowry and the alimony she deserves in such case.

Therefore, people should understand perfectly well the legal meaning of engagement in Islam and the wisdom behind it.  This way and through such an understanding, both the husband and wife will spare themselves any unnecessary disappointments on the wedding night.